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A note from Osama

From the Washington Times:

“At a Chicago news conference, Bush called “incorrect” a report this week that the CIA had disbanded the unit set up to track the Saudi dissident.

“‘We’ve got a lot of assets looking for Osama bin Laden,’ Bush said.”

“Assets”? But that’s not as odd as the newspaper’s phrasing: “Saudi dissendent”? I though he was a terrorist, murderer, and coward. Is this some new kind of political correctness?

When I hear the name Osama Bin Laden, I think of an e-mail that circulated after 9/11. It still makes me laugh; we call it “Osama and the Tragedy of the Commons.” A key concept, as it happens, in sustainability.

To: Cavemates
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Sent: Tuesday, November 20, 2001, 11:14 AM
Subject: Cave Memo

Hi, guys. We’ve all been putting in long hours, but we’ve really come
together as a group and I love that.

Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says “There is no I in team,” as well as the one that says “Hang In There, Baby.” That cat is hilarious.

However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns. First of all, while it’s good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don’t want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I’ve posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.

Second, it’s not often I make a video address, but when I do, I’m trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we’re taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we’re taping. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote “Osama” on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. A little consideration, please. That’s all I’m saying.

Finally, we’ve heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. The first patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Steve.

Thanks lots, Osama

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