Did you know that Google will write personalized letters for you? A new program uses artificial intelligence and a special emotive interface called Dave to compose all those difficult documents that we all put off. It’s especially good at thank you letters and heartfelt apologies. By using online shopping data, the history of your Google searches, and metadata about individuals, Dave can come up with just the right words, with individualized responses in your own writing style (complete with your usual grammatical errors and spelling mistakes) for anyone at all, from the woman your widowed father is dating to a friend whose 40th birthday party you forgot.
This remarkable new system, yet another breakthrough from Google, takes all the stress out of relationships (which are just too complicated anyway). Dave will respond to your friends for you, using emotive analysis and a unique psychoanalytic profiling protocol, leaving you free to read a book or go for a walk, or on another date, guilt-free. You only need to check the message threads when you feel like it. Dave will carry on your relationships for as long as you choose. Visit DaveWrite.
(Note: this service in its highly confidential pre-beta version was called HALWrite.)
I published the above “story” in our newsletter on April 1st and was thrilled to get three serious enquiries about my April Fool’s Day prank. Two people said they’d been Googling DaveWrite without success and could I tell them how to sign up. The third was from a senior Internet scholar who said he was skeptical but wanted to test it out.
Do we really think Google can do anything?
A day earlier I received a message of apology from the Google Print team, about delays in getting our books up. It’s a good thing that email didn’t arrive on April Fool’s Day!